It has GOT to get better.
2008 has to be a better year for me. For my family. That’s all I can say.
I have already ridden the emotional roller coaster that is my family this morning, and I do not know how much longer I can bear the burden of thier issues.
I am mentally exhausted.
I cannot fix all of these problems.
I have my own life to live.

Christmas is officially over at my house, I took down the tree and all the decorations today, packed it all away in the closet for next year..oh, wait…I’m not going to be here next year, I already announced that….so it’s packed away until whenever! And, NO, I’m not telling you where I am going….I’m not telling anyone. Of course, I don’t know yet either - but I have been doing some research and have narrowed it down.
Now, I am going to get started on making some buffalo wings for the big game tonight…..I hope New England wins and goes undefeated. Nephew called and may be stopping over after work to watch with me.

Lovely way to start the day.
First when I went to get my coffee ready this morning, I noticed that the pot was not full…? Strange. I jiggled the pot and it finished brewing. Should have known there was something wrong, but it was about O-Dark-Thirty in the morning, and my brain wasn’t fully functioning yet. After walking the dog, I went to get my coffee ready, and there were grounds in it…..upon further inspection, the filter had fallen and the grounds were everywhere. Yech.
Do over.
So, I finally get that right, give the dog a treat and head down to the car - juggling my coffee mug, lunch, a book, and a large envelope to mail…….get into the car and as I am reaching down to put my coffee into the cup holder, the lid comes undone (staying in my hand) while the cup drops down into the cupholder.
SPILLING HOT COFFEE ALL OVER MY TORSO.
REALLY HOT COFFEE.
After a round of loud expletives….I run back upstairs, holding my shirt away from my skin, to keep from burning myself, change shirts, throw the coffee shirt into a basin of water to soak…give the dog another treat, and head back out to work.
Is this a sign of how my day is going to be?

P.S. I am tossing that cup today, that dern lid never did fit right.

So, Christmas is over in a flash, as usual….you prep for months and POOF, it’s gone and you’re back to work!
I got some nice gifts, and some crap…..I only wrote about the nice ones!
It was wierd this year…knowing it is quite possibly my Mom’s last Christmas left that black cloud over the whole deal for me. She is weaker each time I see her, she spent Christmas Eve in a chair, covered in blankets and not talking much, even if I tried to engage her in conversation..she has no energy, she’s always cold….Christmas day was the same thing..just in the chair, buried under blankets.
I have to ask myself, what kind of life is that? Looking back on the past 6 months, everything she has gone through, and everything my siblings and I have gone through..the stress, the worry, the crying, the mental anguish, the arguments - I’d rather if someone’s time was up that they just go. Rip the band aid off, deal with your grief, and try to move on with your life.
I feel like we are waiting…and waiting….is the chemo working? Is she going to be back to her old self again? And I feel like she is not really “living”……and no matter how hard you try, it’s hard to cherish these moments we have together…because of the black cloud that follows you around….it never goes away. Ever.

The gifts are wrapped and under the tree. I am officially done!!
And, while I did not get around to recycling the brown paper bags I was saving into my own gift wrap, I did use leftover wrap from years past, did NOT use any bows or ribbon, and utilized gift bags I had from years past, which I know will be re-used next year by the recipients.
I purchased a live Rosemary Tree (bush) as a decoration, and will be handing it off to my Stepmother to plant in her yard, for years of fresh herbs!
I will also be sending in all of the holiday cards I received for recycling, after Christmas the local paper will be printing addresses of organizations that need them.
So, I did try to reduce the amount of Christmas waste that comes out of my house.
EDIT: I also gave everyone their gift, inside a re-usable cloth grocery bag to encourage them to not take plastic when shopping!

I was so happy to wake up this morning, and realize when I took Snoopy out that it is a chilly 55 degress out! YAY! Makes it feel more like Christmas, and, it will make my dinner tomorrow taste even better! I’m having older Sister and her Fam, along with Mom & Husband over for my White Bean Chili….the weather is perfect for it! Our only issue now is, how are we going to get Mom up here? My condo is on the 3rd floor. She cannot climb the stairs, not even very slowly one at a time….looks like we’ll be carrying her up! Wanted her to come over even with that obstacle, so she can see my tree and the place decorated, and play with Snoopy.

Heaters are not something that get used very often in these parts. I do have to turn mine on occasionally during the “winter”….but normally only to take the chill off. Let’s face it, I live in Florida, we’ve had one cold snap thus far, and while it was really cold, it only lasted a few days. We’re hoping for more cooler weather, as it makes it feel more like the holidays! Now, the office is another story. We are constantly fighting over the temperature in there…the men are usually warm, and the women a re always chilly. Personally, I keep a sweater on the back of my chair so I don’t have to turn my crab on and fight over the thermostat. I have a co-worker though, she kept a small space heater under her desk to keep her warm when she felt the need! If you think about it, Florida is the perfect place for space heaters, we rarely use our central heat, it only gets really cold a few times a year - turn on your gas space heaters to warm up the room, and you’re good to go!

A friend and fellow Clapton fan sent me this video, it’s one of my favorite Clapton songs, the words are stirring, and he wrote it at a pivotol moment in his life when he felt he had hit rock bottom, it was literally, a cry for help. And, he dedicated it on his August album to Richard Manuel of The Band, as he had recently committed suicide.

I am a huge fan of his, own most of his CD’s, a few DVD’s, and have seen him in concert 3 times - most recently in Orlando last year…I hope he performs live again, I’ll pay anything to see him. If you have never seen him, you are missing out. He is an extremely talented guitar player, I could watch him play for hours and never get tired of it. Of course, the fact that I also think he is one of the sexiest guys in music helps….soooo HOT. Love Him.
I am on my second reading of his autobiography, when I got to the last page, I immediately turned back to the first and started it over again - I have never done that before, and I am an AVID reader. There were certain places when I was moved to tears by what I was reading, it was that good.

…because she FIBBED!
Apparently, that sob story she told during the Survivor Finale about being demoted to Janitor after getting back to the lunchroom after her stint in China was a tad fabricated!
I am so disappointed, I liked her, even if she needs a serious trip to my hairstylist!
So, they stir up this sob story about her homecoming being so different from James, they ask her what happened…she says that she was demoted to Janitor because her newfound popularity caused too much ruckus in the lunchroom…she even pleads “if anyone needs a lunchlady I am available”! They send us to a commercial, come back live and my future husband, Jeff Probst, announces that Mark Burnett, producer, is giving Denise $50,000 of his own money to help her family out. Awwww…..very nice gesture Mark….how about sending me a few bucks?
Now, it has come out that she was promoted to custodian BEFORE she left to do the show…?!!!
So, now she’s sorry, she never meant to hurt anyone, and she is donating the money to Survivor’s charity of choice, Elisabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation.
Why do something like that? Did you think you would get away with lying on national television? Was being on a top rated reality show not enough attention for you?